I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
