What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have started to decorate penises.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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