as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think people are normalizing furries
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
