glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
