i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You are a genius and a whore.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
