I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
