I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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