We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
