Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
