The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
