I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i think i just lost a toe
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
