how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
