You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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