I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
