you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
