Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
