I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
