Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
