Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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