we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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