i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
