She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
