her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
