I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
