I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
