Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Shame - the story of my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
