i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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