im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
