Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
