We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
