I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
