he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
