11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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