if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
