If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
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