just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
