i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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