i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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