WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
