We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
