it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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