The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
