you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
