She is in my trunk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
