she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
