I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
