Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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