dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
