The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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