Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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