I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
