just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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