How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
