I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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